anarchist_nomad | Ten Thousand Spoons When All You Need Is A Knife

I enjoyed a hearty belly laugh this morning. Ah, the world can certainly be an ironic place sometimes!

To understand why I am saying this, my dear friends, a bit of historical context is necessary:

A few years ago, I was actively involved in the UK bisexual community. Wanting to give something back, I created Oxford BiFest -- a one-day event following the model used in London, Manchester, and Brighton. In some areas, we wanted to put our own stamp on the event, experimenting with improvements here and there, such as a larger venue. In other regards, however, we saw no need to re-invent the wheel, and so we borrowed enthusiastically from those who had blazed a trail before us. For instance, we adapted our logo from a recent BiFest elsewhere, and we used a catchy slogan that had been circulating in the community for over a decade.

That slogan was "Like Men? Like Women? Like Both?" Seems innocuous enough, right? What's what we thought, too -- especially in light of its long history of use. We could not have been more wrong. Posting a copy of our flier, which featured said slogan, started a massive flame war as we were vehemently accused of being exclusive and making people feel "erased" by our mentioning of men and women. I was personally excoriated as transphobic, discriminatory, and a bigot.

When the attacks ramped up, I was unwilling to risk tarnishing our event by entering the fray to speak up in my own defense. Thus, I immediately fell silent. Those attacking pressed on, however, whilst shouting loudly about how they were being silenced.[*] It couldn't help but call a Monty Python scene to mind: "Help! Help! I'm being repressed!"

At the time, a precious few spoke up against such unwarranted accusations, for which I am quite appreciative. Unfortunately, many others either joined the attacks or merely kept quiet. Sadly, silence has the de facto effect of resembling acceptance with such inappropriate behaviour.

Happily, the event itself was highly successful, despite all the online drama that preceded it! Yay! Thus, we decided to do it again one year later. When the time came, community leaders expressed concern that we would choose to use the same slogan, indicating that we should bow before the outrageous behaviour and personal attacks of the previous year. I was shocked that leaders could consider harassment as an acceptable means of initiating change in the community. After considerable discussion,

cheshcat and I decided to leave the UK bisexual community in response, rather than condone bullying as legitimate behaviour. We shut down the Bisexual Oxford group, donated all its assets to charity, and found other projects worthy of our time and energy.

Unfortunately, we lost many friends in the process, yet we stood by our principles... which, ultimately, matters much more. I don't think that I could have lived with myself, looked at myself in the mirror each morning, if I had encouraged harassment and accepted intimidation as legitimate tactics. We walked away, but we did it with our consciences intact.

So, gentle readers, that is the requisite backstory -- are you ready for the tale of current irony? Excellent!

Let us now fast-forward three years to the present. One of the people who took part in attacking us for not being inclusive is an organizer for a polyamorous event. She played a particularly active role in the slander, and was the first to hurl accusations of bigotry when she called me "transphobic" for our mention of "men" and "women". Clearly one who strongly believes that we should not discriminate or be exclusive, right? Read on.

Today, I found out that her upcoming event, OpenCon UK, has barred men from registering unless they do so with a partner to accompany them. Say what?? So much for being all vehement about inclusivity -- this rule is about as discriminatory and exclusive as they come! As

da_pupdetz like to say: "Whoops! Somebody screwed up!"

I have been actively polyamorous for over fifteen years, and taking part in poly events for at least twelve of those years. In that time, I have never before seen a bar against unaccompanied men, nor have I seen need of it. Not at the old "Bi Poly Rap sessions" in New York, not at Poly Chicago, not at OpenCon Catalonia -- nowhere. At times, it has been helpful to explicitly mention that a poly event is not the place for cruising, but an outright ban on men who are not accompanied is completely uncalled for!

Here is one last helping of extra-bonus irony: Besides being offensive in all the obvious ways, this ban also reinforces the heteronormative paradigm. Let's all come to talk about polyamoury in our nice little groups of two -- one man, one woman. Honestly, I would never have expected it!

Alas, the event in question has a perennial scheduling conflict with the Sooper Sekrit Pagan Festival, which I am running again this year. This is a shame -- I cannot boycott OpenCon UK for its moronic policy of discrimination and exclusivity, as I was already unable to attend. Le sigh.

Even so, the irony made me laugh out loud this morning, grinning whilst simultaneously shaking my head in disbelief. The world is a funny, funny place, indeed!

[*] Not the main irony promised for this post -- consider it bonus, gentle readers!

no subject

So it's Bi-Females-Fest, and no icky men may attend without a woman to keep their Boy Cooties in check? What about bisexual men? (Oh, I forgot - there are no such things as bisexual men; they're all just gay men in such deep denial that they can't admit their homosexual urges to themselves, and having a woman involved in the proceedings lets them pretend they're "really" straight.) I have a slogan for everyone: "LOVE DOESN'T DISCRIMINATE"

Date: 2012-09-27 03:23 pm (UTC)

anarchist-nomad.livejournal.com

HOLY MACARONI -- I LOVE YOUR ICON!!

Ahem. Right. Now that I'm done being distracted, let me actually read what you wrote.

*reads*

*giggles*

*nods*

Liking your slogan. It's a good one, for sure!

P.S. Eight more days!!!

Date: 2012-09-27 04:45 pm (UTC)

That icon has been drifting around the internet for years... I just added it to my collection because it's so useful :-)

If human beings keep getting their knickers in a knot about minor details of sexual behavior, whatever are we going to do when we run across other sentient life forms whose notions of "sex" (if they even have such a thing) are going to be completely unlike anything we've ever imagined?

And you know that, while I may be mostly-straight, mostly-monogamous, and mostly-vanilla, I have very dear friends and even dearer familys members who are straight, gay, bi, transgender, genderqueer, "none of the above", poly, kinky, and "tri-sexual" (they'll try anything sexual). I basically agree with Samuel Clements: "As long as they don't do it in the road and frighten the horses."

Date: 2012-09-27 05:47 pm (UTC)

cmcmck.livejournal.com

But should horses do it in the road if it frightens the people? :o)

Terry Pratchett's giggleworthy use of the redoubtable Mrs Whitlow, housekeeper of Unseen University, to explain the concept of 'sex' to a god creating a new universe is well worth a read if you haven't.

Date: 2012-09-28 07:18 am (UTC)

I must confess I'm not much of a Pratchett fan; which book was that in?

Date: 2012-09-28 07:44 am (UTC)

It's in: 'The Last Continent'

Date: 2012-09-29 07:04 am (UTC)

Thanks! I think I can borrow a copy from my son - he's the Discworld fan in the family :-)

Edited Date: 2012-09-29 07:05 am (UTC)

Date: 2012-09-28 11:56 am (UTC)

dragonmamma.livejournal.com

Nods vigorously in agreement. I too am mostly all of the things that you said but have very dear friends and family who are random mixes of the above list (except I havent quite understood what "genderqueer" is supposed to mean) and Samuel Clements was quite right. We must never frighten the horses. Or most other animals for that matter. (I exclude cats here as they are impossible to frighten and merely sit and mock!!)

Date: 2012-09-29 07:07 am (UTC)

I think "genderqueer" is the way people refer to themselves when they choose to consciously reject and/or defy conventional paradigms of gender identity - in other words, "none of the above".

Date: 2012-09-29 10:41 am (UTC)

Right thanks, I did wonder. Actually I'm still wondering why anyone would want to say that, but never mind, That's just my straight, elderly female brain trying to cope with a new idea. Personally I dont really like ANY labels, preferring to think of people as unique individuals. Along the lines of "I'm ME, so why shouldn't you be YOU" sort of theory. I dont feel threatened by most kind of difference anyway - surely difference is what makes us all interesting.

Date: 2012-09-29 03:26 pm (UTC)

Here's (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genderqueer) the Wikipedia explanation. Some people just don't feel that any of the traditional labels adequately name what they are. And, although I'm as straight, old, and female as you are, I can sort of understand. A lot of the things I wanted to do in my youth were considered anywhere from "unseemly" to "forbidden" to "impossible" for females - yet I had no desire to change my physical equipment. So what gender would I be, "masculine" because of my interests, or "feminine" because of my two X chromosomes? Eventually I gave up trying to stuff myself into a category, and just did my own thing :-)