anarchist_nomad (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
anarchist_nomad) wrote2012-09-27 08:01 pm
anarchist_nomad) wrote2012-09-27 08:01 pm
Entry tags:
Ten Thousand Spoons When All You Need Is A Knife
I enjoyed a hearty belly laugh this morning. Ah, the world can certainly be an ironic place sometimes!
To understand why I am saying this, my dear friends, a bit of historical context is necessary:
A few years ago, I was actively involved in the UK bisexual community. Wanting to give something back, I created Oxford BiFest -- a one-day event following the model used in London, Manchester, and Brighton. In some areas, we wanted to put our own stamp on the event, experimenting with improvements here and there, such as a larger venue. In other regards, however, we saw no need to re-invent the wheel, and so we borrowed enthusiastically from those who had blazed a trail before us. For instance, we adapted our logo from a recent BiFest elsewhere, and we used a catchy slogan that had been circulating in the community for over a decade.
That slogan was "Like Men? Like Women? Like Both?" Seems innocuous enough, right? What's what we thought, too -- especially in light of its long history of use. We could not have been more wrong. Posting a copy of our flier, which featured said slogan, started a massive flame war as we were vehemently accused of being exclusive and making people feel "erased" by our mentioning of men and women. I was personally excoriated as transphobic, discriminatory, and a bigot.
When the attacks ramped up, I was unwilling to risk tarnishing our event by entering the fray to speak up in my own defense. Thus, I immediately fell silent. Those attacking pressed on, however, whilst shouting loudly about how they were being silenced.[*] It couldn't help but call a Monty Python scene to mind: "Help! Help! I'm being repressed!"
At the time, a precious few spoke up against such unwarranted accusations, for which I am quite appreciative. Unfortunately, many others either joined the attacks or merely kept quiet. Sadly, silence has the de facto effect of resembling acceptance with such inappropriate behaviour.
Happily, the event itself was highly successful, despite all the online drama that preceded it! Yay! Thus, we decided to do it again one year later. When the time came, community leaders expressed concern that we would choose to use the same slogan, indicating that we should bow before the outrageous behaviour and personal attacks of the previous year. I was shocked that leaders could consider harassment as an acceptable means of initiating change in the community. After considerable discussion,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cheshcat and I decided to leave the UK bisexual community in response, rather than condone bullying as legitimate behaviour. We shut down the Bisexual Oxford group, donated all its assets to charity, and found other projects worthy of our time and energy.
Unfortunately, we lost many friends in the process, yet we stood by our principles... which, ultimately, matters much more. I don't think that I could have lived with myself, looked at myself in the mirror each morning, if I had encouraged harassment and accepted intimidation as legitimate tactics. We walked away, but we did it with our consciences intact.
So, gentle readers, that is the requisite backstory -- are you ready for the tale of current irony? Excellent!
Let us now fast-forward three years to the present. One of the people who took part in attacking us for not being inclusive is an organizer for a polyamorous event. She played a particularly active role in the slander, and was the first to hurl accusations of bigotry when she called me "transphobic" for our mention of "men" and "women". Clearly one who strongly believes that we should not discriminate or be exclusive, right? Read on.
Today, I found out that her upcoming event, OpenCon UK, has barred men from registering unless they do so with a partner to accompany them. Say what?? So much for being all vehement about inclusivity -- this rule is about as discriminatory and exclusive as they come! Asda_pupdetz like to say: "Whoops! Somebody screwed up!"
I have been actively polyamorous for over fifteen years, and taking part in poly events for at least twelve of those years. In that time, I have never before seen a bar against unaccompanied men, nor have I seen need of it. Not at the old "Bi Poly Rap sessions" in New York, not at Poly Chicago, not at OpenCon Catalonia -- nowhere. At times, it has been helpful to explicitly mention that a poly event is not the place for cruising, but an outright ban on men who are not accompanied is completely uncalled for!
Here is one last helping of extra-bonus irony: Besides being offensive in all the obvious ways, this ban also reinforces the heteronormative paradigm. Let's all come to talk about polyamoury in our nice little groups of two -- one man, one woman. Honestly, I would never have expected it!
Alas, the event in question has a perennial scheduling conflict with the Sooper Sekrit Pagan Festival, which I am running again this year. This is a shame -- I cannot boycott OpenCon UK for its moronic policy of discrimination and exclusivity, as I was already unable to attend. Le sigh.
Even so, the irony made me laugh out loud this morning, grinning whilst simultaneously shaking my head in disbelief. The world is a funny, funny place, indeed!
[*] Not the main irony promised for this post -- consider it bonus, gentle readers!
To understand why I am saying this, my dear friends, a bit of historical context is necessary:
A few years ago, I was actively involved in the UK bisexual community. Wanting to give something back, I created Oxford BiFest -- a one-day event following the model used in London, Manchester, and Brighton. In some areas, we wanted to put our own stamp on the event, experimenting with improvements here and there, such as a larger venue. In other regards, however, we saw no need to re-invent the wheel, and so we borrowed enthusiastically from those who had blazed a trail before us. For instance, we adapted our logo from a recent BiFest elsewhere, and we used a catchy slogan that had been circulating in the community for over a decade.
That slogan was "Like Men? Like Women? Like Both?" Seems innocuous enough, right? What's what we thought, too -- especially in light of its long history of use. We could not have been more wrong. Posting a copy of our flier, which featured said slogan, started a massive flame war as we were vehemently accused of being exclusive and making people feel "erased" by our mentioning of men and women. I was personally excoriated as transphobic, discriminatory, and a bigot.
When the attacks ramped up, I was unwilling to risk tarnishing our event by entering the fray to speak up in my own defense. Thus, I immediately fell silent. Those attacking pressed on, however, whilst shouting loudly about how they were being silenced.[*] It couldn't help but call a Monty Python scene to mind: "Help! Help! I'm being repressed!"
At the time, a precious few spoke up against such unwarranted accusations, for which I am quite appreciative. Unfortunately, many others either joined the attacks or merely kept quiet. Sadly, silence has the de facto effect of resembling acceptance with such inappropriate behaviour.
Happily, the event itself was highly successful, despite all the online drama that preceded it! Yay! Thus, we decided to do it again one year later. When the time came, community leaders expressed concern that we would choose to use the same slogan, indicating that we should bow before the outrageous behaviour and personal attacks of the previous year. I was shocked that leaders could consider harassment as an acceptable means of initiating change in the community. After considerable discussion,
cheshcat and I decided to leave the UK bisexual community in response, rather than condone bullying as legitimate behaviour. We shut down the Bisexual Oxford group, donated all its assets to charity, and found other projects worthy of our time and energy.Unfortunately, we lost many friends in the process, yet we stood by our principles... which, ultimately, matters much more. I don't think that I could have lived with myself, looked at myself in the mirror each morning, if I had encouraged harassment and accepted intimidation as legitimate tactics. We walked away, but we did it with our consciences intact.
So, gentle readers, that is the requisite backstory -- are you ready for the tale of current irony? Excellent!
Let us now fast-forward three years to the present. One of the people who took part in attacking us for not being inclusive is an organizer for a polyamorous event. She played a particularly active role in the slander, and was the first to hurl accusations of bigotry when she called me "transphobic" for our mention of "men" and "women". Clearly one who strongly believes that we should not discriminate or be exclusive, right? Read on.
Today, I found out that her upcoming event, OpenCon UK, has barred men from registering unless they do so with a partner to accompany them. Say what?? So much for being all vehement about inclusivity -- this rule is about as discriminatory and exclusive as they come! As
da_pupdetz like to say: "Whoops! Somebody screwed up!"I have been actively polyamorous for over fifteen years, and taking part in poly events for at least twelve of those years. In that time, I have never before seen a bar against unaccompanied men, nor have I seen need of it. Not at the old "Bi Poly Rap sessions" in New York, not at Poly Chicago, not at OpenCon Catalonia -- nowhere. At times, it has been helpful to explicitly mention that a poly event is not the place for cruising, but an outright ban on men who are not accompanied is completely uncalled for!
Here is one last helping of extra-bonus irony: Besides being offensive in all the obvious ways, this ban also reinforces the heteronormative paradigm. Let's all come to talk about polyamoury in our nice little groups of two -- one man, one woman. Honestly, I would never have expected it!
Alas, the event in question has a perennial scheduling conflict with the Sooper Sekrit Pagan Festival, which I am running again this year. This is a shame -- I cannot boycott OpenCon UK for its moronic policy of discrimination and exclusivity, as I was already unable to attend. Le sigh.
Even so, the irony made me laugh out loud this morning, grinning whilst simultaneously shaking my head in disbelief. The world is a funny, funny place, indeed!
[*] Not the main irony promised for this post -- consider it bonus, gentle readers!
no subject
How very ironic. Personally I would say that you are the least "phobic" person I have ever met, but there you go. They wouldnt have wanted to hear my "more or less straight, heterosexual" viewpoint anyway. But heavens. Reinforcing all sorts of stereotypes there - poor little victim females, wicked predatory single men, couples, exclusivity....the list just goes on and on and on...
How very bizarre.
no subject
Also, thank you for the kind words. I certainly try to be open-minded and accepting, rather than X-phobic with any group. Well, I might be a little intolerant of Republicans[*], especially around election time, but other than that... *wink*
I attribute my open-mindedness to being an Anarchist... or maybe has to do with my Pagan training. After all, the Wiccan rede is: "An it harm none, do what ye will."
Truth be told, though, acceptance has always come easy to me. The first opportunity that I ever had to examine my response to a trans person came when I was fifteen. I was spending a week of Summer break visiting with my friend C, who I had known for about a year. One night, C revealed that he had something to show me, but he was obviously unsure of how I would react. When he came out to me as a transvestite, I simply shrugged and told him that whatever worked for him was fine; then I thanked him for trusting me enough to share. With no forethought or preparation, I just found it natural to accept that my friend was doing no harm, so that which gave him pleasure couldn't possibly be bad.
There is an amusing follow-up to that story. Over the past twenty years, this friend and I have drifted in and out of contact. Sometimes years go by where we are out of touch, then something re-establishes the connection and we pick up where we left off. One such re-connection happened in 2005 though, for the life of me, I cannot remember how we got back in touch. Anyway.
We were having the required Long Chat where we fill each other in about our lives since we last spoke. C informed me that he was no longer a he; she was now L. Okay, no problem. This is fifteen years after C came out to me as a transvestite, so it was no great surprise, and I had known plenty of transsexuals in the intervening years. The conversation continued. In my part of the catching up, I let it be known that I had become a vegetarian, after spending the first twenty-five years of my life as a devout carnivore. L was shocked and replied with a demand: "Let me speak to the real Nomad! Clearly, she thought that I was a pod person or a doppelganger. My reply? "Last time we talked, I ate meat and you were a man. People change." I was rather tickled that she was more astonished by my change of diet than I was by her change of gender.
It's been a few years, actually. I was hoping to find L so that I could invite her to the final Event Horizon party. Haven't been able to track her down, though -- even asked our mutual ex if she knew where to find her. Ah well.
[*] The US-American kind, not folks in favour of abolishing the British monarchy!