anarchist_nomad (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
anarchist_nomad) wrote2012-09-27 08:01 pm
anarchist_nomad) wrote2012-09-27 08:01 pm
Entry tags:
Ten Thousand Spoons When All You Need Is A Knife
I enjoyed a hearty belly laugh this morning. Ah, the world can certainly be an ironic place sometimes!
To understand why I am saying this, my dear friends, a bit of historical context is necessary:
A few years ago, I was actively involved in the UK bisexual community. Wanting to give something back, I created Oxford BiFest -- a one-day event following the model used in London, Manchester, and Brighton. In some areas, we wanted to put our own stamp on the event, experimenting with improvements here and there, such as a larger venue. In other regards, however, we saw no need to re-invent the wheel, and so we borrowed enthusiastically from those who had blazed a trail before us. For instance, we adapted our logo from a recent BiFest elsewhere, and we used a catchy slogan that had been circulating in the community for over a decade.
That slogan was "Like Men? Like Women? Like Both?" Seems innocuous enough, right? What's what we thought, too -- especially in light of its long history of use. We could not have been more wrong. Posting a copy of our flier, which featured said slogan, started a massive flame war as we were vehemently accused of being exclusive and making people feel "erased" by our mentioning of men and women. I was personally excoriated as transphobic, discriminatory, and a bigot.
When the attacks ramped up, I was unwilling to risk tarnishing our event by entering the fray to speak up in my own defense. Thus, I immediately fell silent. Those attacking pressed on, however, whilst shouting loudly about how they were being silenced.[*] It couldn't help but call a Monty Python scene to mind: "Help! Help! I'm being repressed!"
At the time, a precious few spoke up against such unwarranted accusations, for which I am quite appreciative. Unfortunately, many others either joined the attacks or merely kept quiet. Sadly, silence has the de facto effect of resembling acceptance with such inappropriate behaviour.
Happily, the event itself was highly successful, despite all the online drama that preceded it! Yay! Thus, we decided to do it again one year later. When the time came, community leaders expressed concern that we would choose to use the same slogan, indicating that we should bow before the outrageous behaviour and personal attacks of the previous year. I was shocked that leaders could consider harassment as an acceptable means of initiating change in the community. After considerable discussion,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cheshcat and I decided to leave the UK bisexual community in response, rather than condone bullying as legitimate behaviour. We shut down the Bisexual Oxford group, donated all its assets to charity, and found other projects worthy of our time and energy.
Unfortunately, we lost many friends in the process, yet we stood by our principles... which, ultimately, matters much more. I don't think that I could have lived with myself, looked at myself in the mirror each morning, if I had encouraged harassment and accepted intimidation as legitimate tactics. We walked away, but we did it with our consciences intact.
So, gentle readers, that is the requisite backstory -- are you ready for the tale of current irony? Excellent!
Let us now fast-forward three years to the present. One of the people who took part in attacking us for not being inclusive is an organizer for a polyamorous event. She played a particularly active role in the slander, and was the first to hurl accusations of bigotry when she called me "transphobic" for our mention of "men" and "women". Clearly one who strongly believes that we should not discriminate or be exclusive, right? Read on.
Today, I found out that her upcoming event, OpenCon UK, has barred men from registering unless they do so with a partner to accompany them. Say what?? So much for being all vehement about inclusivity -- this rule is about as discriminatory and exclusive as they come! Asda_pupdetz like to say: "Whoops! Somebody screwed up!"
I have been actively polyamorous for over fifteen years, and taking part in poly events for at least twelve of those years. In that time, I have never before seen a bar against unaccompanied men, nor have I seen need of it. Not at the old "Bi Poly Rap sessions" in New York, not at Poly Chicago, not at OpenCon Catalonia -- nowhere. At times, it has been helpful to explicitly mention that a poly event is not the place for cruising, but an outright ban on men who are not accompanied is completely uncalled for!
Here is one last helping of extra-bonus irony: Besides being offensive in all the obvious ways, this ban also reinforces the heteronormative paradigm. Let's all come to talk about polyamoury in our nice little groups of two -- one man, one woman. Honestly, I would never have expected it!
Alas, the event in question has a perennial scheduling conflict with the Sooper Sekrit Pagan Festival, which I am running again this year. This is a shame -- I cannot boycott OpenCon UK for its moronic policy of discrimination and exclusivity, as I was already unable to attend. Le sigh.
Even so, the irony made me laugh out loud this morning, grinning whilst simultaneously shaking my head in disbelief. The world is a funny, funny place, indeed!
[*] Not the main irony promised for this post -- consider it bonus, gentle readers!
To understand why I am saying this, my dear friends, a bit of historical context is necessary:
A few years ago, I was actively involved in the UK bisexual community. Wanting to give something back, I created Oxford BiFest -- a one-day event following the model used in London, Manchester, and Brighton. In some areas, we wanted to put our own stamp on the event, experimenting with improvements here and there, such as a larger venue. In other regards, however, we saw no need to re-invent the wheel, and so we borrowed enthusiastically from those who had blazed a trail before us. For instance, we adapted our logo from a recent BiFest elsewhere, and we used a catchy slogan that had been circulating in the community for over a decade.
That slogan was "Like Men? Like Women? Like Both?" Seems innocuous enough, right? What's what we thought, too -- especially in light of its long history of use. We could not have been more wrong. Posting a copy of our flier, which featured said slogan, started a massive flame war as we were vehemently accused of being exclusive and making people feel "erased" by our mentioning of men and women. I was personally excoriated as transphobic, discriminatory, and a bigot.
When the attacks ramped up, I was unwilling to risk tarnishing our event by entering the fray to speak up in my own defense. Thus, I immediately fell silent. Those attacking pressed on, however, whilst shouting loudly about how they were being silenced.[*] It couldn't help but call a Monty Python scene to mind: "Help! Help! I'm being repressed!"
At the time, a precious few spoke up against such unwarranted accusations, for which I am quite appreciative. Unfortunately, many others either joined the attacks or merely kept quiet. Sadly, silence has the de facto effect of resembling acceptance with such inappropriate behaviour.
Happily, the event itself was highly successful, despite all the online drama that preceded it! Yay! Thus, we decided to do it again one year later. When the time came, community leaders expressed concern that we would choose to use the same slogan, indicating that we should bow before the outrageous behaviour and personal attacks of the previous year. I was shocked that leaders could consider harassment as an acceptable means of initiating change in the community. After considerable discussion,
cheshcat and I decided to leave the UK bisexual community in response, rather than condone bullying as legitimate behaviour. We shut down the Bisexual Oxford group, donated all its assets to charity, and found other projects worthy of our time and energy.Unfortunately, we lost many friends in the process, yet we stood by our principles... which, ultimately, matters much more. I don't think that I could have lived with myself, looked at myself in the mirror each morning, if I had encouraged harassment and accepted intimidation as legitimate tactics. We walked away, but we did it with our consciences intact.
So, gentle readers, that is the requisite backstory -- are you ready for the tale of current irony? Excellent!
Let us now fast-forward three years to the present. One of the people who took part in attacking us for not being inclusive is an organizer for a polyamorous event. She played a particularly active role in the slander, and was the first to hurl accusations of bigotry when she called me "transphobic" for our mention of "men" and "women". Clearly one who strongly believes that we should not discriminate or be exclusive, right? Read on.
Today, I found out that her upcoming event, OpenCon UK, has barred men from registering unless they do so with a partner to accompany them. Say what?? So much for being all vehement about inclusivity -- this rule is about as discriminatory and exclusive as they come! As
da_pupdetz like to say: "Whoops! Somebody screwed up!"I have been actively polyamorous for over fifteen years, and taking part in poly events for at least twelve of those years. In that time, I have never before seen a bar against unaccompanied men, nor have I seen need of it. Not at the old "Bi Poly Rap sessions" in New York, not at Poly Chicago, not at OpenCon Catalonia -- nowhere. At times, it has been helpful to explicitly mention that a poly event is not the place for cruising, but an outright ban on men who are not accompanied is completely uncalled for!
Here is one last helping of extra-bonus irony: Besides being offensive in all the obvious ways, this ban also reinforces the heteronormative paradigm. Let's all come to talk about polyamoury in our nice little groups of two -- one man, one woman. Honestly, I would never have expected it!
Alas, the event in question has a perennial scheduling conflict with the Sooper Sekrit Pagan Festival, which I am running again this year. This is a shame -- I cannot boycott OpenCon UK for its moronic policy of discrimination and exclusivity, as I was already unable to attend. Le sigh.
Even so, the irony made me laugh out loud this morning, grinning whilst simultaneously shaking my head in disbelief. The world is a funny, funny place, indeed!
[*] Not the main irony promised for this post -- consider it bonus, gentle readers!
no subject
As for that rule? It's a swingers club rule, many swingers clubs that had fetish nights used to use it. I think the "at least one cunt for every cock" rule is pretty sickening tbh.
no subject
As you say, I do remember all-too-well that you were also considered a target for attack once you spoke up. You are probably right that watching you get abused then intimidated others into silence. Seriously ironic -- those who were shouting about being silenced were actually the ones doing the silencing!
I also agree with you about the "at least one cunt for every cock" rule. Besides, rules for a swingers club really don't belong at a social event about polyamoury! Most (all?) poly events that I have been to are pretty explicit about not being the place to come for a hookup; they are about spending time with other people who share similar views that fall outside the cultural default of monogamy.
On a totally different note: Life has been pretty hectic -- I am in Japan now, the UK on Monday, Chicago on Tuesday, New York next Friday, you get the idea -- but I have been meaning to ping you to suggest another group trip for next year. I had a lot of fun with you and B in Germany... and next year we could bring
I hope that life and your new job are both treating you well, sweetie. *more hugs* Talk to you soon!!
no subject
New job is good, possible new romantic interest is good, Jason is still wonderful and so on :-) I really want to see you and the gorgeous Chesh again soon!
no subject
Very glad to hear that life is treating you well, hon. After some of the stuff you went through, this year, you certainly deserve it! *more hugs*
Am particularly pleased that you landed on your feet, job-wise. Chesh is in the same position now that you were a few months ago; her position is coming to an end, for reasons of funding, but she's been doing several interviews and hopefully something good will turn into an offer[*]. I am keeping fingers crossed that it turns out as well for her as it did for you!
Let's talk more in November about possible destinations for the Spring. Meanwhile, we haven't advertised it yet, but if Saturday December 8th is free for you, we are having a party to celebrate Chesh's birthday. She is turning 7... in cat years! *grin* Would love to have you join us, if you can make it! (And I am certain the Chesh would be delighted to see the gorgeous Rhona again, too! *wink*)
[*] Most of the jobs she have interviewed for have been good. One, however, was with a man who gleefully described the position as "the job from hell" and took pride in saying that he made those who worked under him cry. She didn't get offered the job, and we were rather disappointed. She had no intention of taking it, but we wanted the satisfaction of having her turn it down! ;-D
no subject
You know those same community leaders are all over putting postcards o rainbows and unicorns out. Unicorns. You know - the *rape ponies* that are mythology all about *raping virgins*?
Yeah
no subject
(Also, am liking the term "Oppression Olympics"! Very nice -- I may borrow it!)